August 2016

my flat is full now but sometimes when i open my eyes and look i see nothing because i think of you and since you’re not here everything is stripped away

and i think about what this space was like before your laughter bounced from wall to wall before it rose up from the rooftop and fell softly on the treetops

but when you were here last there were no leaves on the trees to slow the wind hitting the windows and i become pensive because that’s an analogy

for what i can’t decide though it could apply to what happened between you and me but so could many things when it hurt as good and as bad as that did

like when my heart overran my mind and i involuntarily told you i loved you and all at once i felt the uncomfortable couch and the weight of the world as i realized it was true

or when i sat in the same place on a more comfortable couch watching you slowly inch out of the door and out of an uncomfortable conversation

and ultimately out of my life because that’s the last time you were here and i asked you please don’t go and you did and i was left in a vacuum

fighting for air for which you seemed to be the sole source yet there was enough left over for existing alone and i learned to fill my lungs

as i now fill just one coffee cup and make one serving of pancakes in the morning and i feel nearly as full again as i did when you ate them with me

always faster than me and faster and faster we both went keeping up with one another well until we overran our own love and lives

and you closed the door on me as fast as i had first walked through one to see you standing there ready and waiting for hungry customers

never expecting to find one willing to give so much love